This past January marks my one year anniversary, when I started a journey that I thought I would never take. I never thought that as a agender person, as someone whose gender expression flows between masculine and feminine or a combination of the both, could ever transition. Before that, I thought that I would be trapped in the body that I was born in, the female body that I wished I could remove body parts like a Mr. Potatohead. I went to the doctors and nurses in the city I was living in and asked, “what are my options to transition?” and the nurse practitioner said “how would you like to transition? The only way you can go in to transition to male.” Well, that’s not what I wanted, in fact, I really didn’t know what I wanted or what I could do. But I knew I wanted answers to how I was feeling. I wanted to know that I was not crazy and that my fears were not all in my head. That my dysphoria and dysmorphia were really. The nurse gave me three options to stop my period, something I have always known was the source of not only my gender “issues” but contributed to exasperating my bipolar condition. The first option was estrogen based birth control, the second was progesterone shots (I hate needles), and lastly, as hysterectomy. I didn’t qualify for top surgery since I was not “becoming a man” as she put it (when I moved to London, On I would be told that this was false. But I will continue that part my story shortly). Being fearful of needles, I decided estrogen birth control would be my only option. And that choice nearly killed me. I stopped taking the birth control, since the increase in estrogen was so damaging to my mental health. Taking a deep breath and letting the nurse inject me with progesterone was the best thing that I ever did for myself. Having the estrogen in my body suppressed lifted my mood, let me see myself in a new way and helped my cope with my dysphoria/dysmorphia. I even could cope with having breasts in a way that I couldn’t before. My weight didn’t swing and my body didn’t swell any more. I started working out and through a wonderful group that I attended in London, I realized that I could have top surgery and it would be partially funded, when I was ready.